Dun dun duuuuun!! It has begun.. Although, it really began the moment I was conceived...

I should have done this a long time ago, but I wasn't ready until now and (as I state the obvious) I have decided to start a blog.  This is the beginning of my attempt to share my life with the world.  So, I'll let you get to know me a little here.. My life has changed so much over the past few years.. Really, my life is always changing.. It has since the moment my dad created one champion swimmer that competed its way, head first, into my mom's awaiting egg.  At that moment, there was an explosion that became what is now a 34 year old woman with a wireless keyboard in her lap ready to change the world!!

Ok.. Maybe I won't change the world, maybe I will.. But if my thoughts and my own personal transformation can help even one soul to become free of worry, hate, anger, and fear then my mission will be complete.  Do I still experience some of these frustrations? Yes.. I am human and I am perfectly imperfect.  When these issues come up, they are short lived and fuel my fire that burns bright with inspiration. I now use these things/emotions in a completely different way than I was brought up to use them.  And when I say "brought up" I don't necessarily mean by my parents--although I know they get wrapped up in them as well-- I really mean by society.  Because that is what I did for so long.  I allowed myself to think, act, feel and believe what was going on around me instead of trusting what was in my head.  It was the beginning of a battle that continued on for a majority of my life.  

Here's just a tiny taste of the huge heap of crap I allowed to bend me almost to the point of breaking:

I had heart palpitations thinking I was dying at some point.  I had two children out of a marriage that failed and actually went on antidepressants for a very short period. I packed on about 70 pounds of bitterness and anger. I wouldn't talk to or visit my parents, mostly for fear of being "found out."  My children were a mess because they had a mess as an example and really.. I started to believe I didn't even like kids anymore.  By all means, in my mind, I was a complete and utter failure at life and there was no hope for happiness.. I was in a constant state of crazy.. I found temporary relief in self-loathing.  I was drinking, smoking, eating way too  much and was living on a complete lack of sleep and confidence. I spent so many years in a constant state of panic!! I was attempting to put out grease fires with water in my own brain, allowing it to spread all over the damn place.. It kinda looked a little like this.....

The day finally arrived though...The glorious day where I said, "Lindsay this is ENOUGH!!!"  I was fed up with being on edge every day of my life.  I began a journey that would forever change my life.  I started to send a message out to the Universe that I wanted to be sane again!  I wanted control of my life!!!  I had given my power over to so many other things and situations and it was time to flip the script.  It is absolutely amazing how simple it really was when it came down to it.  All I had to do was to be ACCOUNTABLE and GRATEFUL for the things that were already there and work for the things that weren't that I truly wanted.. Geeze, how hard is THAT??  I started to work for my happiness instead of working for my impending doom.  

Here's what I realized when I took charge and let my break down become a break through:

I am smart but had convinced myself that I was dumb because I didn't know what someone else did or didn't give myself the chance to learn without expecting things to take time.  I am beautiful and believed I was ugly because I didn't have the hair, face, body, voice, feet, butt, or whatever it was I was coveting at the moment--instead of realizing my true beauty lies within and if I let that out then all of the rest of me would begin to shine like gold regardless of size or color. I realized that when I felt good about what I was doing in my life, everything else would fall in line. I gained self respect. I gained confidence.  I gained hope. I gained love. I gained a new perspective and I only look back now to see how far I've come.

This is the beginning of sharing my journey with whoever is willing to take the time to read it. More than anything.. You should know you're not alone.  Tough times come for everyone, but they will go if you let them. I am now extremely proud to be A Motivated Mama and want to spread my motivation all over the world the way I used to spread butter all over my bread.. Thick and deliciously!  This is my life and you are more than welcome to become a part of it!  There is always room for more.

I owe a lot of people much thanks for getting where I am today and I make sure to tell them often.  I may not have much money in the bank or many material items, but I have what I need, more love in my heart that most people I know and I have more to give than I ever realized before.  The father of my children is now engaged to an amazing woman and we all get along like peas and carrots. I'm in the gym every day to shed all the stress-related pounds I packed on.. I actually LIVE with my parents and we make it work! My kids are no longer the strain I once found them to be.  They are happy. I am happy. WE are happy.  I am now in control of my life!! I have made a choice to become a grateful, healthy, happy, leader in this world..That's right... I said it..  It is a CHOICE.  I chose to find the worth in Lindsay to do great things and great things are all I can see now.  Welcome to my amazing life! Let's make it our amazing lives :)