When life throws you lemons, learn to catch!!

Though I can't control my surroundings, I do have complete control over my reaction to them.  Through pure determination and will, I have always worked to make the best out of every situation, even if some matters took WAY longer than others.  For example, when I first tried to walk, I fell, got banged up and was all covered in boo-boos.  Though it hurt and I cried, somewhere deep inside I still knew that I would eventually run..  When I charred my first attempt at a meal- one that wasn't microwaveable- and charred it so badly it was like a charcoal briquette, again... I cried like a big baby.  I still really knew though that I'd be able to cook something amazing one day.  When I cried my eyes out for weeks and thought I was going to die of a broken heart when the father of my children said he was no longer "in love" with me- I knew, in my heart, that even though I was bitter and hurt at the time, I still had a huge use for love in my life.

You see... I like to think of myself as a pretty down to earth and intelligent chick, but the truth of the matter is.. I'm only as wise and grounded as every mistake I have ever made and learned from or every freak out I have ever encountered was able to calm down and apologize for.  When I learned to let go of trying to control the situation and only controlled my thoughts ABOUT each event that was happening, I became so free and full of life.. I realized that if I try to control every moment then I leave no space for growth and imperfection...And I ALWAYS have something to learn. 

If it weren't for taking life's dilemmas, mixing it up and making sweet sweet dilemma-nade I would probably be a very bitter and sad person, which is pretty much the opposite of who I really am. If it weren't for accepting that life is not always going to work the way I intended but having intention in my life works, I would have never learned to walk, or cook, or hang out with my baby daddy and his fiancee fairly regularly--all of us with true genuine happy smiles on our faces. But most of all I wouldn't be free!! I decide how to view my life and I have the power to make things happen in it because I am the ruler of my own thoughts.. If that isn't freedom, I don't know what is..

(Picture by Sara Jordan--A Motivated Mama)

Life is tough and it never really gets any easier.. We just get wiser and more skilled at it if we allow ourselves to make mistakes so we can learn from them.  We have to actually get up and take those first few steps so we can walk.  Make the choice to allow each fault you used to beat yourself up over become your greatest strength. Life is beautiful and my choices are too because I've lived, I've learned and I truly work each moment to make the best out of it!

Some steps and stones have broken my bones but my thoughts and words have never killed me.

Thoughts can be the heart of action or they can be the death of motivation. The awesome thing about thoughts is that they can ALWAYS be changed and they are absolutely limitless.  You can be a slave to them and let them create you or you can own them and create your own thoughts that give you the power to fly. 

About 5 years ago, in a strange turn of events I was introduced to and read The Secret.  After this little gift was handed over, I couldn't stop talking or thinking about making a change for the good. I talked and talked and talked of change and living a healthy life but wasn't fully sure how it was supposed to happen.  Truth is....It was already beginning to happen.. I had already started the thought process that I wanted something better and something better was on the way.  That's the awesome thing about the Law of Attraction.

I was at a point in my life where I left my thoughts out to dry for so long that they became cracked and a bit faded.  In return, my action was very limited and motivation was at a standstill.  The time had come to freshen them up and make them beneficial again.  In the past I have imprisoned myself in my own thoughts.  I'm not good enough to.. I'm not pretty enough to.. If I was thinner then I could..  I'm not artistic enough, tan enough, rich enough, smart enough.. The day came where I had to say... Enough is ENOUGH!

A little over a year ago, people who had traveled this thought process and helped to guide others were now starting to show up in my life. Some of these people were brand new to my life while others had been there for quite some time but were just taking the first steps themselves.  It seemed that everyone I was talking to and meeting wanted to either make a change for the good, was in the process of change, or truly understood that change was something we do all the time in order to live a full life.  They began to teach me (some without even realizing it) that whatever it is I have in my life right here and now,  I've worked for--be it pain and misery or joy and freedom.

I was given a different perspective. It was the perspective of not allowing anyone to be responsible for my joy but ME.   People began to coach me on how to be grateful and accountable for my life. One of the first actual and true coaching session I was to make 3 lists. Because I feel as though I've freed myself of some of these, I'm working on the ones I haven't completely overcome and because I believe it can help others, I will share my list.... I'm not scared to be human and vulnerable anymore, so here she goes!

 1.      What do I have in my life that I don’t want, don’t like, or could do without?
 •       Debt
 •       Obesity
 •       Anxiety
 •       Car that’s falling apart
 •       Stress
 •       Guilt
 •       Regret
 •       Cavities
 •       Cigarettes (polluting my body)
 •       Drinking far more than I should 
 •       Feel trapped 
 •       Impulse buying
 •       Pain (physical)
 •       Lonely 
 •       Battle inside to stay on track
 •       Queasy feeling in my stomach when I think too much…

 2.      What do I WANT in my life?
 •       To be at a healthy weight again- To be comfortable in my own skin again.
 •       Debt free…6+ figure income
 •       Cavity freeeee!!! (my children too)
 •       Healthy, well behaved children- Be the best role model for them.
 •       To be able to help other single parents or just help others really, but really helping single parents.  Those that want to move forward in life and do better for their children and learn how to get along with the other half.
 •       Confidence
 •       Strength
 •       Wisdom
 •       Patience
 •       Proud of my achievements
 •       Not necessarily religious, but more spiritual…belief that something out there is watching over me and has good purpose for me.
 •       Relaxation
 •       Travel
 •       Independence
 •       Focus
 •       Home of my own
 •       Hyundai Santa Fe….with 3rd row seating!!!!
 •       A partner…Someone to share my daily life with.


 3.      What  STOPS me from having what I want?
 •       ME!!!
 •       Fear of failure
 •       Lack of confidence
 •       Lack of discipline
 •       Lack of self worth
 •       Surrounding myself with people that don’t strive for more 
 •       FEAR, FEAR, FEAR!!...Hmmmm….
 •       Impatient
 •       Worry
 •       Laziness
 •       Putting blame on others 
 •       Exhaustion

Up until the moment I wrote the lists, I wouldn't admit that I was afraid, but the second I did it felt SO GOOD!!  I was scared to death of having a happy life and facing my true and amazing worth.  But now I was being educated on how to overcome fear with action.  

I started to, literally, see myself pushing thoughts out of my head.  If something was coming up that was causing me anxiety, I would picture myself taking that thought and drop kicking it out of my head.  Then I would see myself pulling a happy thought in.  It was an unnecessary thought to dwell on and I rid myself of it.  Stressing over it didn't make it better and I started to take the action to fix the things that caused me stress so I didn't have to waste space with them in my head anymore.

I look back now and giggle thinking, "Why in the HELL was I scared to be happy??"  But when I really think about it, I know the answer to that.  I did not believe I was free.  I was a slave to my thoughts, which really weren't my thoughts at all.  They were conditioned thoughts from what I'd seen others do along the way. For example: The first cigarette I ever picked up.. Was it because I REALLY thought that it was going to taste good?  Or was it because I was searching for something else?  I was searching to be "soothed" I wanted comfort and I saw someone else get it that way, so I figured it must be the way.

I see and talk to others on a regular basis that go through similar thought patterns and situations.  I still turn to "the more experienced" for advice and guidance, but it seems that others see how I've decided to live my life, view me as the more experienced and now come to me for advice and guidance.  I do my best to listen, offer them some other choices than what they have thought of on their own and allow them the opportunity to know that we no longer have to be a victim of our own lives.  No longer do I have to live in the ridiculousness of being a slave to my own thoughts and I'm more than willing to help others free their minds as well.  I am breaking the chains of habit and becoming a new person and embracing my thoughts because they are damn good ones!

Dun dun duuuuun!! It has begun.. Although, it really began the moment I was conceived...

I should have done this a long time ago, but I wasn't ready until now and (as I state the obvious) I have decided to start a blog.  This is the beginning of my attempt to share my life with the world.  So, I'll let you get to know me a little here.. My life has changed so much over the past few years.. Really, my life is always changing.. It has since the moment my dad created one champion swimmer that competed its way, head first, into my mom's awaiting egg.  At that moment, there was an explosion that became what is now a 34 year old woman with a wireless keyboard in her lap ready to change the world!!

Ok.. Maybe I won't change the world, maybe I will.. But if my thoughts and my own personal transformation can help even one soul to become free of worry, hate, anger, and fear then my mission will be complete.  Do I still experience some of these frustrations? Yes.. I am human and I am perfectly imperfect.  When these issues come up, they are short lived and fuel my fire that burns bright with inspiration. I now use these things/emotions in a completely different way than I was brought up to use them.  And when I say "brought up" I don't necessarily mean by my parents--although I know they get wrapped up in them as well-- I really mean by society.  Because that is what I did for so long.  I allowed myself to think, act, feel and believe what was going on around me instead of trusting what was in my head.  It was the beginning of a battle that continued on for a majority of my life.  

Here's just a tiny taste of the huge heap of crap I allowed to bend me almost to the point of breaking:

I had heart palpitations thinking I was dying at some point.  I had two children out of a marriage that failed and actually went on antidepressants for a very short period. I packed on about 70 pounds of bitterness and anger. I wouldn't talk to or visit my parents, mostly for fear of being "found out."  My children were a mess because they had a mess as an example and really.. I started to believe I didn't even like kids anymore.  By all means, in my mind, I was a complete and utter failure at life and there was no hope for happiness.. I was in a constant state of crazy.. I found temporary relief in self-loathing.  I was drinking, smoking, eating way too  much and was living on a complete lack of sleep and confidence. I spent so many years in a constant state of panic!! I was attempting to put out grease fires with water in my own brain, allowing it to spread all over the damn place.. It kinda looked a little like this.....

The day finally arrived though...The glorious day where I said, "Lindsay this is ENOUGH!!!"  I was fed up with being on edge every day of my life.  I began a journey that would forever change my life.  I started to send a message out to the Universe that I wanted to be sane again!  I wanted control of my life!!!  I had given my power over to so many other things and situations and it was time to flip the script.  It is absolutely amazing how simple it really was when it came down to it.  All I had to do was to be ACCOUNTABLE and GRATEFUL for the things that were already there and work for the things that weren't that I truly wanted.. Geeze, how hard is THAT??  I started to work for my happiness instead of working for my impending doom.  

Here's what I realized when I took charge and let my break down become a break through:

I am smart but had convinced myself that I was dumb because I didn't know what someone else did or didn't give myself the chance to learn without expecting things to take time.  I am beautiful and believed I was ugly because I didn't have the hair, face, body, voice, feet, butt, or whatever it was I was coveting at the moment--instead of realizing my true beauty lies within and if I let that out then all of the rest of me would begin to shine like gold regardless of size or color. I realized that when I felt good about what I was doing in my life, everything else would fall in line. I gained self respect. I gained confidence.  I gained hope. I gained love. I gained a new perspective and I only look back now to see how far I've come.

This is the beginning of sharing my journey with whoever is willing to take the time to read it. More than anything.. You should know you're not alone.  Tough times come for everyone, but they will go if you let them. I am now extremely proud to be A Motivated Mama and want to spread my motivation all over the world the way I used to spread butter all over my bread.. Thick and deliciously!  This is my life and you are more than welcome to become a part of it!  There is always room for more.

I owe a lot of people much thanks for getting where I am today and I make sure to tell them often.  I may not have much money in the bank or many material items, but I have what I need, more love in my heart that most people I know and I have more to give than I ever realized before.  The father of my children is now engaged to an amazing woman and we all get along like peas and carrots. I'm in the gym every day to shed all the stress-related pounds I packed on.. I actually LIVE with my parents and we make it work! My kids are no longer the strain I once found them to be.  They are happy. I am happy. WE are happy.  I am now in control of my life!! I have made a choice to become a grateful, healthy, happy, leader in this world..That's right... I said it..  It is a CHOICE.  I chose to find the worth in Lindsay to do great things and great things are all I can see now.  Welcome to my amazing life! Let's make it our amazing lives :)