Mama's Single and Ready-- Well Preparing-- To Mingle!

Dating-- What does that even mean after kids?  As a single mom I always wonder -- how do you really "date" a guy?  There are so many things you have to bring into the equation that it can get a little scary as to why you would even attempt such a thing.

Being a single mom-- eventually you get to where you feel like Carol Burnett in Annie as she's dancing around singing, "Little shoes, little feet, everything around me is... little." ...Minus the tub of vodka-- although I'm working on that one.  You walk around with house shoes and hair wraps bossing around your minions and hoping you wake up without a doll arm sticking you in the ass the next day.  

But, none the less--I've been divorced for almost 7 years, have had one "serious" boyfriend for about 6 months about 5 years ago and I've made the decision that it is time to start dating and open my mind to the possibilities before I shrivel up and I realize my singles search starts to  include the local rest home.  I just turned 36... Not that I feel like I've got one foot in the grave at all but it may be time to start giving it a little looksy...

So, how do I do this?  How do I start looking for someone who will fit into my equation?  How will I know if he is right for me and my kiddos??

Well, first off, I think of this as car shopping.. You do NOT have to buy the first one you see.  Get out there, shop around and learn what is important to you in a partner as you date all the wrong ones.. Those are the ones who REALLY teach you want it is you want as you discover exactly what it is you don't want..

Of course, dating after you have children is a whole new bowl of fruit loops.  When I used to think that I needed a low cut shirt and a short skirt to attract a man, now I'd rather have him attracted to my intellect (what little there seems to be these days after the kids suck the life out of me daily) and my charm (which is, well.... super charming if you ask moi but needs to grow on some of you)  

Also......Little Disclaimer here--- I know it is obvious I have put out in the past-- I have 2 kids.. Of course I've "done tha deed"... But that does NOT mean I put out for everyone I'm on a date with... I do have some sense of morals although some would beg to differ.

Mama's Requirements!

Alrighty, so here is a list of questions I go down to know if they "make the cut" for a second date or if I should put out a warning to the women of America to beware.

• Is this man a serial murderer/rapist/con artist/thief?
• Background checks usually help with this one and I like to think my intuition is spot on-- most of the time.... But let's not really "look into" my dating history--K?
• Is he stable or going to turn into a closet weirdo soon? 
• Please-- no weird eating obsession like eating plaster off the walls, locking the door 3 times to make sure it is locked or doomsday preppers.  I have enough shit on my plate..
• Is he stable or is he going to be able to handle me turning into a weirdo soon?
• I don't eat plaster but I have been known to check the locks more than once... And even though I'm not prepping for anything, I have about 500 water bottles that could either be fastened into a floating device or filled with water and tucked away-- you know.. just in case.
• Is he good with kids or is he too much of a kid himself?.

• Of course, there needs to be plenty of room for silliness in our lives but when it is time for mama to crack down-- don't get confused for one of the shorties yourself.... Also-- you better treat my kiddos like gold or you can hit the door running my friend!
• Does he want more kids? 
• I love, love, LOVE my kids.. but you can't fool me into that again!  If they find a way for him to carry the baby, deliver it, breast feed it and basically do all the mommy duties that come with raising a child from the "constantly puking and pooping on you" stage, to... let's say 8 to 10ish.. Then I'm all for it.  But otherwise-- he better have some of his own that I will absolutely accept or know that this baby factory is SHUT THE F DOWN!!!  (at least mentally.. I'll brave the final shut down one of these days..)  
• Will he, all of a sudden, spring on me that he wants to live in the country and be absolutely secluded from the rest of the world.
• This particular subject is brought on my by last boyfriend.. One of the reasons we had to part ways--- If you want to see a woman lose her shit because she has no one to talk to and help her remain sane--- then SURE.. let's move to the country where they have hatchets and stuff to chop wood... yeah....... chop... .wood.....
• Would I allow my child to date someone like this?
• If you have a daughter or a son-- you would never expect them to settle.  You want only the best for them.  So date as though you would like to see them dating.  A healthy, happy, well rounded, and understanding relationship that may have its ups and downs but never tears you down.  A.K.A.... Don't date an asshole.

Yeah--That's just the start of my requirements.  But most of all-- I need to know that I'm gong to have a good time with him, that my kids enjoy him, that we're not going to judge each other, and that any baggage from previous relationships is not projected on each other---- but if the instance happens where it does come to not so good times, where things from the past seep in-- we work through it.  If not----- there are billions of people on this planet, I was not meant to be alone, and it will be on to the next one.  

So---- Now since they're not beating down the door... It's time for the Mama to open her eyes and look around at what the world has to offer me.  :)

Eyes Open & On Tha' Look-out!  CHECK!!!