Time to hit the ground running.. Just don't break an ankle in the process!!

Giant footed women of the world, unite!
(Just at some other shoe store)

*****Just a little warning for those of you who have some sort of weird fear of FEET and someone even brushing yours in the middle of the night wakes you up, then this post is not for you....(especially one of my best friends--- Seriously... You know who you are... And if you read this I know you have come SO far in the last year. Just call me if you need therapy afterwards!! I'm here for you!!). This post has a lot to do with FEET and contains graphic FEET pictures.  So if the simple word being printed all in caps makes you queezie-- turn back now and click the little X at the top of your web browser to get outta dodge!*****

So, I've been told for quite some time that if I wanted to run...Really run... That I would need to get the proper running shoes.  Naturally-- I tried to outsmart those folks and picked up some discount shoes from Marshall's for my birthday last year. Pshaaa.. Shoes are shoes, right??

This is fairly accurate

I got an awesome looking pair of New Balance and a pair of Pumas....  I was READY-- or so I led myself to believe.  Today, almost a year to the day from my last shoe purchase-- I set foot into a running store that I've been casing for about 2 weeks now.

But the thought of a running store never really left my head.  So of course, like any other decent human being would do, I decided to stalk a store for a while.  I drove by, walked by, peeked inside but never actually put my foot down and walked in until very recently.  Truth be told, I found out quite a bit about myself and others while I was there.. I tried on some awesome shoes and had to order a pair to come in right around the time of my birthday!

So, while I was there-- the awesome store manager John and I got along like peas and carrots. We laughed, we cried (because we laughed so hard), we told inappropriate jokes (well mostly I did, but he laughed...)  But the most important thing is, I learned some things that I would have never known had I kept tip-toeing around the front door forever.  

Who would have thought you'd have learned so much at a shoe store-- but I did and here it is:

1. After going through the whole consultation where they throw you up on a treadmill, have you jog a bit and film it... I am REALLY curious as to how I have made it through life without constantly face planting with each and every step I take.. Seriously... My foot hits the ground and curves in so bad that I look it could snap at any given moment. Next thing you know, I'll be walking around with a cane just to keep my legs from crumbing under me. Not anymore though!  Got the call yesterday that the shoes are IN.

Corrective shoes on the left shot, ankle breaker on the right.

Little less fear of instant snap-dom, but still there.

2. Once I stepped down off the treadmill of ankle breaking torture-- I learned that it is O-fficial folks.. My right leg - yeah.... it is slightly longer than my left... Which is also the reason for the right ankle looking as thought it could blow at any second. In all my (almost) 36 years you would think a person would know that about themselves.  I have been hobbling around blindly with absolutely no knowledge of my strange, yet apparently common, deformation.  BUT if you take the attitude that you learn something new everyday then you can also learn something new about yourself every day.  And that, my friends, is progress.  Just wondering what's next though-- what else do I have that's bigger than the other besides the (now obvious) leg and the common knowledge boob.

Want smaller feet? 

3. So, on to the next thing.  Folks, everything really is bigger in Texas-- especially women's feet.  I don't know if this is an urban legend that the store manager and I just cultivated.. But after being told that the man that places the order lives up north in the New York area and he skimps on the women's larger sizes down here, we came to the conclusions that they don't have as many women with larger feet up there.  That observation, naturally,  led us to believe that women bind their feet anywhere north of West Virginia.  That or we all have the genes and giant feet of Cinderella's ugly step-sister down here and they all got the "Cinderella, how in the heck do those tiny things support her whole  body--- oh yeah she's a cartoon" syndrome up there.

What I feel like in most shoe stores...

4. Continuing on in the spirit of everything being bigger in Texas--When I was born my mother got her feelings hurt by a doctor that said, "My!  She's got HUGE feet!!"  Well... sorry mom, but the verdict is in.  I was meant to be a giant, with freakishly huge feet-- yet somehow stopped getting taller at 5'5 (and a half).  But what came as even a bigger surprise than my ability to stand on two legs without snapping them was this--- Where I thought I was a size 10-- I am not.  In athletic shoes I actually have to strap size 11 boats to these giant roots.  Not only are MY feet bigger, apparently they recently had a marathon and there were THREE size 11's left in the entire store because all of the big footed women bought them out.  Wonder if they all have a longer leg too and we're all a bunch of lopsided ladies walking, jogging, sprinting, and running around Texas.  Now, for the record, he did say your feet swell while running and you should always have a size bigger...Which was an awesome thing to learn... So 11's in running shoes, check!  Back to my dainty 10's in dress shoes, whew!

Not my favorite color
but fits like a glove...
or a shoe I mean.

5. And finally.... One of the biggest lessons I trotted away with was this.  Running shoes are a lot like people... It doesn't matter what the outside looks like-- it is what's on the inside that counts.  I liked the red, fancy ones but they were a no go. We were never going to happen and I kissed them farewell as they slipped back into their boxes and waited for the perfect fit to come along and snatch them up.  While there are plenty of shoes in the store, there was only ONE in my size in the entire company out of the 20 some odd stores they have.  I was a little disappointed at first but John reminded me that I have to let go of the color and welcome the corrective comfort! He did say I could go for another one but this one was much cheaper, and on my budget-- I would be able to get a few other things from the store to help me get to where I want to be.  There are more important things than the color of the shoe.

It isn't a glass slipper but it is my perfect fit!

So, moral of the story is?  Heck- I dunno.. I didn't really have a "moral".. Just wanted you to know how my Saturday went and what an awesome experience I had at The Texas Running Company!! :)  Thank you John for finding my glass slipper!

Just a little side note here.. I went back to get my video today (which I could not upload to save my life so screenshots will have to do!)  I also found out-- lesson number 6.  I have been tying my shoes incorrectly for years-- and picking on a friend for taking so long to do hers!  I'm sorry friend!! You know who you are and I will never speak ill of waiting the extra time it takes for you to lace those things up!  Lace on sista...... lace on.

What a Long (Yet Oddly Familiar) Strange Trip Its Been

Wow...What a ride I have taken over the last year and a half.. I've been up, I've been down but mostly...I've been totally uninspired, unmotivated and on a search as to why..  I was doing SO awesome!  I was inspiring people, was working out, things were going well with my kiddos and then... It all came to a HUGE halt.   I, all of a sudden, found myself down and out.  Depressed, inactive, upset, and confused as to how I even  got there.  When really-- it wasn't over night-- I had cultivated it over time...and I'll be damned if I let people figure it out about me.  It was all "nods and smiles...nods and smiles."

But on the inside, there was a huge, "What the hell??" moment.. The changes had been so subtle over time I didn't even really see them taking over.  And you know what I did?? I said, "Well, this must be what I deserve. This.. This here is what I am stuck with."  I lost focus, I lost track but worst of all-- I lost faith in myself.  Could I become what everyone expected me to be?

No-- I can never become what other people want me to be... I can only become what I expect of myself and I realized I had stopped expecting much.

I can say that I haven't written in a while, but that would be a huge lie. Truth is.. I have written plenty but found that I was writing about things that would only lead to self-pity.. Bitching.. and really of no help to anyone else but me-- the one who needed to get those feelings on paper and out of my head so I could really begin to sort through them.

Moving forward--I met someone for a VERY short period and was ready to settle for less than I deserved until the unthinkable happened-- he ended it with me.  Wait-- whaaaat?? That was supposed to be MY job!  I was settling for him and there was no way he was just settling for me.. I'm too awesome for some shit like that.  But, nonetheless... I came to realize that we settled for each other, for someone to fill the space.. instead of realizing that space should already be filled and those that come along should only help to grow my heart instead of fill the space in it.

My eyes opened pretty soon after that... I started to realize and spent the next few months pulling myself out of  my 18 months of slumber.  I was ready to face all the questions, begin reading the tons of signs that were in my face the whole time and expecting more of myself because I was not giving all I knew I had in me.  More and more people have come in my life that tell me I've helped them without me even realizing it-- but my confession here is-- when, at the moment,  I really thought with my heart to give them the advice they needed.... I was giving it to myself.

In reality.. I have gotten exactly what I've worked for.  It has not been "easy" to be overweight, sad, lonely, worn out, and basically the opposite of what I want to be.  It really takes hard work to get yourself there... Eat until you feel like you're going to pop, keep yourself ignorant of how many terrible things you're doing to your body through food, lack of exercise or what have you.. It is tiring to push people away to be lonely and wears you out.. It is not easy to continue thinking of things that bring you down--- you have to seek out those thoughts that weigh on your heart, your mind and your sense of self worth.


So, what I have chosen to do-- again-- is shift my focus from all that has gone wrong and begin to shift my focus back into what is going right.  More and more days go by that I meet like-minded individuals who put every moment of their life into a perspective that something good is about to happen.

I can use and focus my energy however I choose.  If I want focus my energy on being nice and understanding to my kids or focus the energy on yelling and screaming, plain and simply-- I will....  I can focus on the energy to stay up all night and be completely worn out  through out the day...  Or I can choose to go to bed at a decent hour and have the energy to have clear thoughts, be aware of my health and growing the things I want in my life. I am the only one that can make the choice of where I focus my energy.



Our energy is ours to do with as we please-- no one can ever take or give energy to us.. We are the only ones that can create it for ourselves.. So my energy is focused on the good, the positive and the light... And should the dark make it's way into my sight again.. I will see it for what it is worth.. It is there to show me all the good things I have and not to let me focus on this one blemish.  With time, it can fade and I will shine again--sometimes instantaneously by making my decision right then and there. ..I've chosen to make time and better choices over making excuses and  feeling worthless..

       I can think of no other way I want to be.