This is going to be a short one BUT I'm going to admit something HUGE to y'all that I couldn't even admit to myself until recently. I've been reaching out and telling more people as I slowly uncover what has been going on. And I realize that one of the reasons I couldn't admit it is because I try to play this game with myself that I let nothing bother me... I realize though-- I'm human-- and that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Sooo.. here she goes...For the last few months, I've allowed myself to slip into, what I considered to be, a deep depression. I was crying all the time, stopped working out, eating healthy or basically doing any of the the things that made me feel good-- anything that made me feel like I was advancing in life. I was not sleeping much and working myself into the ground. I felt like I had lost a grip on what was my path...
I let circumstances dictate my mood instead of thinking clearly about what I had to overcome in front of me. I let it defeat me. I was working harder but definitely not smarter. My brain was clouded by a lack of sleep, an overload of "WHAT THE HELLS?!" coming my way and I simply could not think to deal with them in the proper manner.
Over the last few weeks, as I've been reaching out to for an emotional hand to keep me from drowning-- I knew it was the ONLY way to get me out of this. I had to admit to myself AND others that I simply needed help. I've had SO many signs, offers and uplifting people bust into my bubble and give me the tools to say, "I can't do this for you-- but I can help!" And help they have.
So, as I put this out here-- I have no shame in the fact that I, Lindsay Duff, am starting over. But I'm not really "starting over".. I'm beginning again. I've got more knowledge under my belt than the last time I had to begin again. I've got people behind me to help push me through.. And I've got one thing I forgot I always had-- hope.
With that being said-- I'm heading out to my first REV (spin) class in months.. Pray for me that I don't keel over and die from the lack of care I've given this body over the last few months :) I'm confident with slow deep breaths (and all of your good thoughts) I'll make it out of the room alive-- I just may have to crawl over to the 2nd class I signed up for today!
Time to remember what keeps me in the zone... Forward focus instead of the thought that I am not good enough. Becoming more of the person I know I'm meant to be instead of trying to fold myself up into a tiny little box to make others happy. Time to simply begin again.
