Habits Aren't Forever Unless You Want Them to Be

So, recently I realized I had been having a really tough time.  I was having a hard time finding time for myself....Yet, I was getting nothing accomplished. Strange, but not so strange of a concept, right? My brain was on overload with all the wrong things. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was sending myself into a deep hole because I was the one carving it out.  I began to doubt who I was, what I could do and really stopped putting forth so much effort into the life I wanted.  I was just going through the motions sort of like a mindless robot.  I am, by no means, meant to be any sort of robot.  A few have tried to convince me that I am but they failed miserably.  I am fully alive and conscious of my existence.

Anyone who really knows me knows that I have allowed myself to visit and reside in a few dark places in the past. I did, however, make the choice to move out of the darkness and set up shop in the light..  But, because I am human and not some perfect robot... I slipped and I fell into that place again.  I rolled around on the ground for a while, cried about my big boo boo and took, what seemed like a century to get back up. (For the record...it was only a few months but DAMN did it feel like forever at the time) I would pull myself half way back up but would fall back down again--too weak to stand on my own and wondering if I ever could again.  

I thought to myself, "I do not know what to do or how to do this!  How do I get myself out of here?"  So, you know what I did??  I grabbed all the band aids I could, stopped the bleeding and I stepped out of the ordinary I was creating!  In reality, it was not something "out of the ordinary," that I was about to do. It was something that I had done before and thought I no longer needed.  I thought I had overcome it before on my own and that I could do it again.  The truth of the matter is... I had a LOT of help and I just needed to remember that. 


I started telling EVERYONE about how I was feeling and I began to ask for help.  I turned to people who had not only helped me in the past, they opened my eyes to change my life and they were there for me as if a beat was never skipped.  I turned to anyone that would listen and in return found I could help some of them as well.  This felt absolutely amazing!  I was releasing so much that I did not want inside of me anymore, simply making room for the things I did.  I was stuck in a habit of sucking it up and not letting it out that I wasn't even realizing that it had become a habit to feel miserable and I was all the verge of exploding.. All I had to do was change my direction and be habitual at something different.. Feel habitually good!


There is something so out of this world that comes with this and it will make your hairs stand on end when you begin to believe it.   Once you realize that you are actually a creature of habit... You realize how many habits you can actually change or even begin to create for yourself.  You may have tried and given up once, twice, 100x's.. But it doesn't mean you have to keep giving up. You are not stuck being who you were, you are who you ARE and YOU get to choose who that is going to continue to be. YOU choose who it is going to grow into.  All it might take is a little insight from another who can help you to change your perspective and allow you to understand there are other habits that just might work better for you.

Yup!  You can make it that easy!

Time to Clear the Fog

When your brain is not clear of all the clutter, you end up lost in the fog.  So.. With that said, I will let you know in the past 4 months I have been struggling with my next blog post.  I find myself asking myself, "What the hell do you want to write about?" And the truth is, I want to write about how good all the things are going when I'm struggling a little with the "goodness" aspect of everything.  




I have not had some sort of craziness of a roller coaster of emotions.  It is more like  a steady stream of uncertainty and procrastination.  I've even had some old feeling come rushing back to me.  Fluttery heart, crying at commercials, flying off the handle over things that were SO not worth flying off the handle about.  Kinda makes my "no craziness roller coaster of emotions" sound like I may have been lying to myself, right?

Well, I've been here before. I recognize what is happening to me and I know how to fix it.  I am not throwing in the towel.  There are many times that I've felt this way and I just gave up for weeks, months and even years.  There was no more left and I was stuck being the person I once was instead of realizing that was merely the past and I didn't have to live in that place anymore.  

The good thing is that I actually realize that now.  I know that even though I've taken a few steps back, sometimes it is necessary to gain your momentum to take a huge leap forward.  I have had to realize that there is no actual race... Just a steady stream of taking what comes my way and learning new ways to deal with situations.

While things may not always move as quickly as originally planned, when you are motivated, you know these things take time and patience is absolutely essential to obtaining your goal. Take a day off, take 2, hell take a week when needed, but know that you will never give up because you are worth reaching and maintaining your dreams. There is no real finish line, just the opportunity to do better each day. The truth is, you may not have it all together right now, but you have it all at your fingertips.  You just have to reach out and grab it.

Even I can't deny that my hard work has been paying off!  :)